 I make up at a makeup table in my bathroom, every day and I always have one, two or even three lights that are not working. It’s become a given in my life. Something about circuits that several electricians have not figured out. I don’t mind. It kind of makes the hard facts of aging a little gentler. But here is where it gets tricky. I put my makeup on one day, drove to LA and had lunch with two of my oldest and dearest friends. One of them said to me, very kindly I might add, “Beverlye, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your eyebrows are bright red”. Yup, I had used my lip liner as my eyebrow pencil and thought I was just perfect and “camera ready” to go out into the world! Pathetic? No, it’s just being in one’s early 80’s. Then I had tea with another friend a different day and when we were through I told her about the light situation in my bathroom and after dissecting my face, She said,“FIX IT”. I looked into my small mirror and had to laugh at the Cyclops makeup job I had done on my eyes. It’s not easy, this aging thing. Navigating through these murky waters is a full time job, at best. Thank god we can laugh!  Forgetting dates, keeping them even when remembered is hard enough, but aches and pains, new doctors for new ailments and the constant sense of loss is overwhelming. When I say loss, I don’t only mean loss of friends and acquaintances, which is devastating, but the loss of one’s old self. The one that use to hike for a couple of hours a day. Or the one that played tennis for three hours a day. That one. It’s hard not to beat oneself up and say, “I can still do that”. But in realty I can’t. I’m still on the injured list from dancing up a mountain to some Cuban music in April and hoping to return to some semblance of really exercising. I’m not good at this. This waiting for things to heal. I need to feel strong. Or, let’s put it this way. I need to test my levels of strength, which is not very high. I still remain feeling lucky. I have made it to 83 but all new things need guidance and this “New Old” that my generation is in, really has none. We are a breakthrough generation in how we have remained relevant, strong and vital during our 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. We get heart issues, cancer, back and hip problems and keep marching on. I’m not saying it’s easy, but we’re still marching. The doctors don’t even know what to do with us. I think the first thing I have to do is get the lights in my bathroom fixed!!  “In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer”.
Albert Camus
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March 2020
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